My Way to Initiation by Ines L.
When I attended sunday school as a young girl and later the confirmation classes, I heard many stories about Christ and His disciples. However, I did not really had much interest in these stories, because they were just retellings, and every narrative tried to interpret the teachings according to his respective understanding. I also did not want to worship a deity or a Master.
For me it was clear that there is a Higher Power and when I prayed, then only directly to the Almighty without any middleman, because if this Power existed, so I knew, then It would answer my prayers.
While I was struggling with some worries, I always turned to the Almighty, for I knew that only He can help me. All my prayers were answered by Him and gradually I became more and more certain that He exists.
Shortly afterwards, there came a time when I no longer wanted to live; because although I had everything I still did not find any meaning of my existence. Many nights I cried and beseeched the Almighty to give me any sign. But there was no answer. So I faced the Almighty with a decision.
If You really exist and You have the power to create me, then You also have the power to take my life!
Since I did not want to kill myself, I said:
Either You let me die and take me to You or You show me the meaning of life and of my existence and what task I have to fulfil here and I want to work just for You!
About 14 days passed, as I closed my eyes and thought longingly of the Almighty. Surprisingly opened a bright room in front of me, infinitely much Light with bright colours. The Light had a great attraction and I felt like everything became lighten. I went quite far into it when suddenly a face appeared to me, very clear and very close to me. I was shocked and opened the eyes – everything was dark around me. Immediately I knew it was not Jesus Who had appeared to me, but someone from an eastern country, because this man was wearing a turban.
At that time I could not classify this experience, but when I later saw a picture of Kirpal, I recognised Him. He was leading me to people who could tell me what life means and what is the Highest Goal one should achieve.
I was initiated, but I heard the Sound at the beginning only softly. But one day, when for the first time I watched a video of Kirpal, the Sound became louder and penetrated me completely and all my attention was drawn upwards; I was afraid to die. I struggled a bit against it, because this intense experience was still unfamiliar to me.
In the initial meditations I could not easily surrender myself; every time I realised that I withdrew deeply, I believed, to suffocate. But that was because I focused on the breath. Later I could leave that, could look directly into the Light and forget everything around me; I was pulled out of the body and saw bright yellow Light. Sometimes, I notice in the meditations, as the spirit moves away from the body and all shackles loosen. The more concentrated you are, the stronger and more powerful is the spirit and you will see a calming Light with lots of sparkling stars. During the Bhajan you can hear different Sounds, first a noise, later, the bells, the flute. From time to time the Sound is so strong that It vibrates rhythmically-wavelike and one feels that It permeates every cell. You become One with Him and all thoughts are like cut off and you leave them far behind. The soul experiences what is real freedom and True Devotion. May everyone get the connection.