The Arrow of Love
One day in the spring of 2014, unexpectedly, a deep memory arose in me that this is not my True Home. A yearning feeling connected with a separating pain. A sensation that hit me – like a drenched arrow of love – in the middle of my heart and literally pierced it. At the same moment, my whole environment, even the whole world, seemed completely alien to me. I could not talk to anyone about this sudden experience, because how can something be dressed in right words, something that man himself has not yet felt. So I tacitly kept this little treasure in me. However, this deep longing did not fade anymore, but it remained rooted in me. Where do I come from? How did I come here? Why did I leave? How do I find back? My heart felt more and more heavier day by day because I could not find answers to these questions arisen in me.
I was not very religious and could never find anything in churchy ceremonies. Nevertheless I did not doubt the existence of a higher, loving power known to all of us as God. On my further journey, I began to eat completely vegetarian again, because I realized that everything is His creation and that there is life and love inherent in everything. Already as a child I did not like to eat any meat and sorted every single fibre out from the soup to the edge of the plate, what, as I have learned in the meantime, does not bring much, because nevertheless the animal substance remains in the dish. In the vespertine, social meetings I felt gradually no longer well, as these were customarily celebrated with alcohol and grilled meat. So it was finally a matter of time that I slowly withdrew from it and did not want to go there anymore. I no longer felt any deeper meaning in it.
Less than two years later I met a disciple of Kirpal by a fortunate circumstance, what I did not know at this time. When we started talking, I took heart for the first time and trusted him my hitherto experience. I was very afraid that he would not understand. But that was not the case, but he rather encouraged me and gave me two booklets, from which I learned something about the True way of life and valuable about the vegetarian diet. So I started gradually to deal with the scriptures of Kirpal and knew that I now finally arrived. All my raised questions received a sincere and clear answer through the books. No book in the world was able to do so. Whatever I read in the scriptures about the path of Sant Mat, not a single word made me doubt. During my studies, I already noticed first sounds in my right ear, which sounded like a dull hum or a buzzing.
I liked to know more about Kirpal and the Sant Mat. So it happened that I was invited to Leipzig and was allowed to visit the True Satsang for the first time. Before the arrival, I was a little upset because something in me said that I was taking a very significant path. I was received very respectfully and lovingly by the initiated disciples of Kirpal, so that my unnecessary excitement immediately subsided. Even before the initiation, I was able to enjoy His blessings many times and was able to gain practical experience of the lightprinciple during Satsang. I was very determined. Nothing could stop me from attending the True Satsang.
On the night of August 21, 2016, when I layed down to rest, a moment later I was taken inside by a married couple of disciples to a place I did not know. There I was ordered to wait, which I did and obediently followed this instruction. I did not dare me to move even a millimeter. Suddenly, I felt a strong, attracting force approaching me and then revealing itself in front of me. It was Kirpal. The man of the couple handed Kirpal a sheet of paper. Kirpal looked at it, then looked at me and asked me a single question. Sincerely, I gave an answer. I stood before Him like a small, innocent child. Kirpal nodded and disappeared again with the piece of paper in His hand. After that I fell into the disciple's arms crying bitterly and said “I've always wished that!”. Shortly thereafter, I came back into the body with my consciousness, opened my eyes, was still in bed and first did not understand the meaning.
In the following early morning, to my surprise, I received the Holy Initiation. My soul received the most precious gift, Naam. Kirpal accepted me in His infinite Grace as His disciple. Thanks to Him, I have now been put on the path back to my True Home, which I had long forgotten. After a very long journey to go Home, that's it what I was longing for so intensly.