A Disciple’s Impressions


There was a special Satsang on 15th August to celebrate this holiday. It was held in a different part of the Ashram courtyard than was usual – to the side of Master’s house under some trees. Nobody had announced the time of the Satsang except that it would be in the morning and I wandered over to find out. I realised that Master was coming out shortly and sat down where I was standing which was in the front row of people, but a good distance from the low dais. As Master came out, He motioned for the dais to be moved forward and I found myself directly in front of Him, only two feet away!

His talk was an elaboration of His comment the night before: We should all be independent. To be dependent was a heinous crime. There are, He said, three levels of independence: the physical plane, the astral plane, and the causal plane. He asked for a show of hands: how many are independent of the physical plane, the astral, the causal? I remember being particularly struck at the time by the power and insistence with which He spoke of this theme. As I sat literally at the Master’s feet, I was struggling to be independent of part of the physical plane. The trees above us were filled with birds and their droppings were raining down on my white clothes. I tried to keep my attention fixed on Master’s charged eyes and face, but would occasionally look down at my clothes. I thought to myself, this wouldn’t be happening to me in America. I looked back up at the Master to find Him looking intently at me.

My mind flashed to the story of Kabir and the king who is deemed worthy of initiation when he says,

Oh God. I am worse than this,

when a bucket of night soil is dumped on his head by Kabir's wife.

I quickly saw how firmly attached to my body I was and how far I was from even the first level of independence. Master looked at me several times after this He knew my thoughts of course. While Master stressed again and again the necessity of being able to rise above the physical environment, He at no time advocated an ascetic withdrawal.

One morning when I had meditated several hours before noon, I walked across the courtyard of the Ashram and was absolutely struck by the vibrant beauty of it all. Although I had been there many times, it seemed entirely new. I felt wonderfully peaceful and harmonious inside.

That evening at the darshan, Master spontaneously asked us all,

Is the world becoming beautiful to you? Raise your hands.

Then He looked at me and I was so overwhelmed by His absolute knowledge of us and by the Love that was pouring out of His eyes that I couldn’t raise my hand. It seemed ridiculous to tell Him something that He already knew and also to somehow profane the Inner Communication that had happened.

I was very sad and emotional when He left His body. But this was transitory. I arrived in America feeling joyful and buoyant. I had seen so clearly that Master was not His body and that, perhaps, it was a heinous crime to depend on that body. Master’s message of those last days was clear to me: We must be independent of all outward things and strive to find Him within. I often remind myself that the last words I heard Master say – at the last darshan – were,

Go jolly to all problems.